1 year ago today
I never really understood why people talk/post about their cancer anniversary. It seemed like this was a more important date than a birthday or wedding. This was weird to me.
One year ago today I got the first inkling that cancer was part of my future. I remember I was in a staff meeting and at a break I saw the results of my recent CT scan was available and that I had a broken T4. I remember thinking “this is interesting” and that was about it. I went back into the meeting and went on with my day.
Now I realize the significance of this anniversary. It is the defining line between innocence and reality. On January 16, 2023 I had a little pain in my ribs and because I was 56 I assumed it was normal aging stuff. On January 18, 2023 I knew that “soft tissue lesion” equaled a tumor.
Is this date more important than my birth or wedding? No way. But believe it or not I do not remember my birth, and the ups and downs that come with getting married are not shifted in less than 3 days. I never wish I could go back to June 29, 1990 (day before I got married) and hold in place. I have, however, often wished over the last year that I could go back to January 16, 2023 and just stay there.
On the other hand, I almost skipped that CT scan. And without it, I would likely not know even a year later that I had Multiple Myeloma. Because of the knowledge I got on January 17, 2023 I was able to get diagnosed and start treatment. Because of that scan, that diagnosis was early and early is always better than later.
Over the past year I have met great people all over the medical field. I have been given physical and mental gifts that I can never recpricate. Jeri & I have spent more time talking and being together than any other year of our marriage. And because of that scan, medical advancements, and lifestyle changes, I will most likely die of something other than Multiple Myeloma some time in the distant future.
And yet, even with all the benefits of knowing, I still yearn for that time of innocence when I did not know. I do not really want to go backwards, but it would be cool to put the genie back in the bottle for just a little while.